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MARTY
Ok. This mess is called Jitters.

Teacher gave me a one-word name
On the first day of the third grade.
She labeled me with my condition
And so sparked a life-long tradition
Of insecurity and anxiety, cyclical
Critical hits dealt to my clinical tics
By cynical pricks so I set adrift
Across a rift between me and every other fucking kid I ever dared not encounter, fearing the ridicule they would pursue.

A few years later we went to the zoo.
A tarantula, gargantuan, yet trying to hide
from our view in a viewing tank
With sandy banks and small cacti
Yet we could not avert our childish eyes.  
“True,” said teacher,
“You’re probably less afraid of her
than she is of you.”
Classmates nonetheless crinkled noses and said ew.
But meekly I whispered, “I’m just like you.”
Wish I were as sneaky, lord knows I’m as creepy,
people think I’m freaky, but I’m just like you.
Dad got me a baby tarantula that year.
I gave him the same one-word name
Teacher gave me the first day of third grade,
but when I let the little bastard out of his cage,
He’d creep over to everyone
any of his eight eyes could gauge.
I hated him for that.
I hated how he was brave.
I hated how he wasn’t like me
How he hated staying
In my silent, little cave.

Now I’m up here, shaking
Sweating, faking confidence,
Soaking underarms,
Making canker sores,
Shredding my nerves.
Don’t think I bleed
Like the writers I read
But from what I’ve read
But I’ll bet I can show them how to sweat.
I sweat my flesh transparent
Like a paper towel
Spread out over a great lake
Or a greasy paper sack from BK.
Soaking my palms clear from opaque.
And I wonder if this
Is how my spider felt
When he ran across my carpet
Were his nerves also shot to hell?
I’d like to think they were
And although he died a few years ago,
He’s playing a spider harp
On a spider cloud
I hope he could see me
Standing up here now.
And I hope I make Jitters proud.
This is a poem from the new play I'm working on called, "In The Jungle You Must Wait."
Add a Comment:
 

Daily Deviation

Given 2013-07-14
Jitters is by ~Schofield-Alan. ( Featured by neurotype )
:icondreamworld88:
Dreamworld88 Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2015  Student Writer
I like it a lot, but two lines bug me: 
"But from what I’ve read 
But I’ll bet I can show them how to sweat." I don't understand what your'e trying to say here or who the narrator is trying to scare.  
My favorite part, on the other hand, is "
Wish I were as sneaky, lord knows I’m as creepy, 
people think I’m freaky, but I’m just like you." Love the emotion in it, and the rhyme. 
Reply
:iconschofield-alan:
Schofield-Alan Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2015  Professional Writer
Ah, cool thanks!  When he says I can show them how to sweat, and actually almost that whole stanza, it's about his anxiety and how nervous he is.  No one should be scared :)
Reply
:icondreamworld88:
Dreamworld88 Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2015  Student Writer
Okay, thanks for clarifying. :)
Reply
:iconkarinta:
Karinta Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2013  Student General Artist
That is simply fascinating.... I totally love this poem!
Reply
:iconschofield-alan:
Schofield-Alan Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2013  Professional Writer
I totally love your compliments, thank you!  It's been a fascinating pleasure.   
Reply
:iconkarinta:
Karinta Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2013  Student General Artist
Aw, you're welcome dear! :huggle:
Reply
:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2013   Writer
Featured fav.me/d6bk7yb Thanks!
Reply
:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
    Congrats on the DD! :dalove:
    Have a nice day! :heart:
Reply
:iconglasgowcubone:
GlasgowCubone Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
The rhythm of this is absolutely fantastic. I wish I could be half as good of a poet as you are. It's beautiful. <3
Reply
:iconschofield-alan:
Schofield-Alan Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2013  Professional Writer
Aw thanks!  It takes years of confusion, pain, and reckless self-abuse.  You can do it!  ;)
Reply
:iconglasgowcubone:
GlasgowCubone Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome!

[[It takes blood, sweat, and tears. lol]]
Reply
:iconsippurimsheltziporah:
SippurimShelTziporah Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Wow this is amazing and brilliant.
Reply
:iconschofield-alan:
Schofield-Alan Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2013  Professional Writer
You're overly kind. Never lose that.
Reply
:iconsippurimsheltziporah:
SippurimShelTziporah Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I got the chills when I read this. It was so good!
Reply
:iconschofield-alan:
Schofield-Alan Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2013  Professional Writer
Well thank you, I'm honored to have made you chilly.
Reply
:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2013   Writer
A late :iconcongratsddplz: ...this piece is very good and shows the protagonist well, and in a different way. Thank you.
Reply
:iconschofield-alan:
Schofield-Alan Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank you, and thank YOU! The play this is from is mainly loud, repulsive characters. The protagonist had to be as subtle, humble, and level as the rest of the characters weren't. I'm all about contrast.
Reply
:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2013   Writer
Contrast and conflict make the world go round, especially in writing. :iconblueribbonplz:
Reply
:iconschofield-alan:
Schofield-Alan Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2013  Professional Writer
PREACH!
Reply
:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2013   Writer
Hahaha. Yeah, baby.
Reply
:iconsir-herp:
Sir-Herp Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2013  Student General Artist
She labeled me with my condition
And so sparked a life-long tradition
Of insecurity and anxiety, cyclical
Critical hits dealt to my clinical tics
By cynical pricks so I set adrift

I absolutely love this part, above the rest.

What an amazing poem. I'm a bit curious about the play now.
Congrats on the well-deserved DD, good luck with the play, and have a nice day~
Reply
:iconschofield-alan:
Schofield-Alan Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank you so much! If you'd like, send a note to me with your email and I'll send you the play. It's only draft one, there will be a reading for the benefit of its revision on Sunday the 21st. But any feedback is always appreciated.
Reply
:icondarvia123:
Darvia123 Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow this is so great!
Reply
:iconschofield-alan:
Schofield-Alan Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2013  Professional Writer
YOU'RE so great.
Reply
:icondarvia123:
Darvia123 Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you :giggle:
Reply
:iconchaoticpix93:
chaoticpix93 Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Professional Writer
I like this, how it's not readily explained WHAT his problem is, but he can empahtize with a spider is pretty awesome.
Reply
:iconschofield-alan:
Schofield-Alan Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2013  Professional Writer
Sure. It's more direct in the context of the play (clinical social anxiety). But with broader assumptions, it works really well as a stand-alone poem, yeah. Thank you!
Reply
:iconfrubafreak17:
frubafreak17 Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow. A web of words that creates an image more beautiful and more horrifying than I could ever paint, draw, or say. Definitely deserved the DD. As someone who was bullied all her life (until I grew my own backbone), I can see the turmoil amidst the letters. Well done.
Reply
:iconschofield-alan:
Schofield-Alan Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank you! It is definitely a nightmare of sorts. Joseph Campbell says in A Hero's Journey that the hero must first deny his calling. If the hero has social anxiety and is called to pour his heart out in a public setting... yeah, I can write that. Congrats on the backbone!!! Thank you for the descriptive and honest comment.
Reply
:iconletmebecowgirl:
Letmebecowgirl Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is pure beauty. Thank you for sharing this. I was bullied as a kid. Kinda bullied now. Being labeled for something you were born with is complete shit. I hope to read or see this play
Reply
:iconschofield-alan:
Schofield-Alan Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Professional Writer
I was part of the pain cycle myself, I've been bullied, bullied others, even bullied bullies. None of it's any good. I'd love for you to read the play and provide feedback. It's only on draft 1. I'm having a public reading done next weekend. I'm in Omaha, so assuming you're not, I can definitely send you a PDF of the script. It's called "In The Jungle You Must Wait."
Reply
:iconletmebecowgirl:
Letmebecowgirl Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Definitely not in Omaha! I'm a highschool student so don't expect intelligent feedback.. I love to read, but I don't like writing very much. I can't wait to read it!!
Reply
:iconschofield-alan:
Schofield-Alan Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2013  Professional Writer
You can spare me the intelligence if you compensate with honesty. This is also true in life. BOOM. I just preached.
Reply
:iconletmebecowgirl:
Letmebecowgirl Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
words to live by! I got the script and I can't wait to read it :)
Reply
:iconschneefuechsin:
Schneefuechsin Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Congratulations on the DD! :hug:
Reply
:iconschofield-alan:
Schofield-Alan Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank you so much, always makes my day.
Reply
:iconperfling:
Perfling Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Student General Artist
Read this as spoken word - fantastic! Especially the first stanza :)
Reply
:iconschofield-alan:
Schofield-Alan Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Cool, thank you! I find it smoother to put a hooky rhyme right up front so when I need spin out of the rhythm or the beat to get a point across, it's a little more jarring and then I have that rhyme to re-center me if I need it there.
Reply
:iconperfling:
Perfling Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Student General Artist
I think my favorite part is the second half of it:
"Of insecurity and anxiety, cyclical
Critical hits dealt to my clinical tics
By cynical pricks so I set adrift
Across a rift between me and every other fucking kid I ever dared not encounter, fearing the ridicule they would pursue.
"

cyclical, critical, clinical, cynical - my tics, by pricks - adrift, a rift  - all things that make me goose-pimply from awesomeness :)
Reply
:iconmermaidindisguise:
MermaidInDisguise Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I read this out loud, and it was super powerful. (Also, hella fun :D) I've always wished I could write spoken word poetry--this is truly inspiring. Congrats on the DD!
Reply
:iconschofield-alan:
Schofield-Alan Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank you! I'm glad you got weird and read it out loud, it IS more powerful when heard as opposed to read. I wrote a feature length play including this piece, with spoken-word poetry as one of the main themes. It's so much more fun to write than just a straight-up monologue. I'm flattered to have inspired you. Cheers.
Reply
:iconsilverlunawolf6:
silverlunawolf6 Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Incredible. Perfect. I can feel the mood; the lonely anger and the intense but hopeful frustration. The erratic beat really completes it.
Reply
:iconschofield-alan:
Schofield-Alan Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank you so much, I'm glad that all came through.
Reply
:iconrandom-drawer-person:
random-drawer-person Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Awesome! Love it. :)
Reply
:iconschofield-alan:
Schofield-Alan Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank you, I love that you love it. I love that you love anything, but especially this.
Reply
:iconrandom-drawer-person:
random-drawer-person Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Hahaha. That's a great answer. You're a cool guy. I like you. Well done for being cool. Congrats on the DD cool guy.
Reply
:iconrayckro:
Rayckro Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013
Congratulation on the Daily Deviation! :D
Reply
:iconschofield-alan:
Schofield-Alan Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Always an honor.
Reply
:iconozuchi-kozuchi:
Ozuchi-Kozuchi Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Your imagery is absolutely fantastic! I was kept interested the entirety of the poem (no small feat) and it was an enjoyable read. :)
Reply
:iconschofield-alan:
Schofield-Alan Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Professional Writer
Yeah, it's a long monology type piece, thanks for sticking with it!
Reply
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